Telling Your Child a Family Member Has a Serious Illness

When a parent or other family member has a serious illness, it can be hard to know how to tell children. You might think you’re protecting kids by sparing them from any worries or fears. But they tend to know when something’s going on, and not being told about it could make them feel anxious.

Here are some tips on when to start talking with your child, what to say, and how to support them.

How Should I Have the First Talk?

Pick a time when you’re relaxed enough to talk and won’t be rushed. Maybe a weekend afternoon when no activities are happening and there’s time to answer questions. Just try to avoid telling kids at bedtime because they may have trouble sleeping afterward.

It’s OK to talk with your child even if you don’t have all the information yet.

What Should I Say?

Your goals are to help your child understand what’s happening and what to expect — and comfort them. It’s important to be honest. Kids may have no questions or lots of them. If you don’t know the answers, say you’ll try to find out.

Other things to keep in mind:

Start with the basics about the illness, like what it’s called, what part(s) of the body it affects, and the treatment. It may help to ask them what they’ve heard about the illness.